TV REVIEW: Revenge’s “Epitaph” Honors Daniel Grayson

So, let’s see where Revenge left us … it’s been a while since we’ve donned our Hampton hoodies and red Sharpie-colored outside the lines. Oh yeah, the Polar Vortex hit the beach house as another hottie bit the dust. Daniel Grayson is still dead, effectively lowering the temperature by at least 20 degrees.

“Epitaph” picks up right where we left off with Daniel shot dead on Emily’s floor, David at odds with Victoria, Jack still picking the wrong girl, and the cops remaining a comical group of bumbling idiots, believing Emily’s crazy story of a crazy Daniel showing up and attacking her. In tonight’s episode, we see vulnerable Vicky grieving for her son, and we kind of buy it. We see an emotionally raw Emily off her game and waxing sentimental over Daniel, and we kind of buy it. Let’s take a look at all the Revenge happenings in this year’s first episode back.

Queen V Loses Her Prince

Victoria hears the gunshots and heads over to Emily’s place finding her son dead. She gives good grieving mom wail and tells David to go to hell when he mentions his concerns about Malcolm Black. Can’t she have a good cry about a dead son without your past being obsessed over, big guy? Apparently not. Obsess away, Mr. Clarke.

Madeleine Stowe has some of her best moments of the season tonight bringing it down a notch after the initial hysteria in finding dead Daniel. She wards off a Margaux interrogation trying to convince the woman that she believes Emily’s story of about Daniel’s aggressive attack. Then Revenge goes deep Grey’s Anatomy on us with a flashback of Victoria helping Daniel tie his tie saying, “Soon you’ll be teaching your own son how to do it.” Pulling at those heartstrings and making us miss Josh Bowman a little more while we reach for that Kleenex.

(ABC/Danny Feld)
KARINE VANASSE, MADELEINE STOWE, JAMES TUPPER

Emily’s B Game

Emily is questioned by the police and makes up a story about Daniel breaking in and attacking her. She had no choice but to shoot him with a gun she found in the house. Don’t you love it when that happens? You’re moving in and BOOM, you find a gun, maybe a pot of gold with it, all under a rainbow.

We see through a flashback that Jack helps get rid of agent Kate’s body … one minute he’s banging her, the next he’s burying the body. Such a Boy Scout, Mr. Porter.

Super cop Ben questions Emily’s answers, doubting her whole story. He wonders how Daniel was untouched. Emily is off her A game, but never fear Revengers. Emily’s B game is better than everyone else’s A game.

She pulls it together during the interrogation by using something a little foreign to her … the truth. She says, “I wouldn’t hurt him because underneath all the scar tissue… there was a genuinely good guy trying to find his way.” She adds, “I cared about him.”

Ben needs a little more convincing, saying, “But you still shot him.” Good point.

“Only when I knew I didn’t have a choice,” Emily answers, also bringing up the whole ‘being shot by Daniel before’ story. Sell it, girl. She does.

(ABC/Richard Cartwright)
EMILY VANCAMP, GABRIEL MANN

Nolan and Louise Tidbits

It was the Victoria/Emily show tonight, but we would be remiss without mentioning some Lolan (Louise + Nolan) highlights in “Epitaph.” Nolan is at his computer nerd best trying to find intel on Malcolm Black. Remember, Black’s the bad guy who even David Clarke is afraid of. You know if David thinks this guy is crazy, he’s got to be off the charts, needing two straight jackets loony. Our blonde best dressed techie discovers the plane manifesto for Malcolm, a flight plan leading to Florida. Whew, we thought he was headed Emily’s way. We can rest easy tonight because David says he’s setting up Mr. Black to have a run-in with some cartel ringleaders. Is there anything Clarke doesn’t have his hand in? Nolan agrees, saying, “You’re one badass travel agent, Mr. Clarke.”

Louise shows up on Nolan’s doorstep to lament the loss of her Danny boy, also concerned with how Victoria’s handling the death.

“I think I’ll bake something for her before my Xanax wears off.” Oh, Louise, we love you. We all know baked goods fix anything.

At the end of “Epitaph” Louise goes to the big Daniel funeral in a getup more suitable for a best little ho-down on the plantation than a burial of a loved one. It’s a low-cut Southern belle number complete with parasol. Yes, you read that right. Did I mention how much we love Louise?

(ABC/Danny Feld)
ELENA SATINE

Mama Margaux and those Hormones

Margaux is on the war path tonight and we’ll have to admit, it may be due to more than those pregnancy hormones. Her man, the father of her unborn baby, is dead, and to top it off, his ex-wife is the one who killed him. Add to that the fact that Emily is saying Daniel was on a rampage and that she killed him in self-defense.

Yes, this is one of those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days for our little French publisher.

Margaux shows up at Ems for a verbal bitch slap off. “I do not play. I know you murdered Daniel. I’m going to make it my life’s journey to see you pay and that journey begins now.” She also says Emily is on Daniel funeral restriction. Victoria concurs. We’re going to call this one a Margaux win.

Let the Feels Continue

Josh Bowman has been with us Revengers from the very beginning, and it does seem wrong that he won’t be here at the end (whenever that may be). Thankfully, the Revenge writers give him the props he deserves through some bittersweet flashbacks to happy Danny times. Emily joins Victoria down sentimental lane remembering her own sweet Daniel Grayson memories.

Watching Daniel’s funeral from afar, she has a montage of flashbacks of sweet Demily times like when they first met, before he knew it was all a set-up, before he knew just how damaged Emily was. These are full Grey’s mode remembrances where we see the pair laughing, so cute, and so seemingly in love. Heartstrings yanked out this time.

And Enter Our New Villain

The super shady police chief and super cop Ben chit chat it up with chief saying Ben should get a promotion. I’m confused about what, unless they’re giving them out for being the most annoying person on Revenge. He also tells him Jack’s taking a few personal days.

Ben says bye to his partner and gives the wise advice, “Never get involved with a woman who owns more handcuffs than you” referring to Kate. That may be the smartest thing Ben has ever said.

Meanwhile, Nolan tells David his Goggle alert has “been blowing up.” There’s been a bloodbath in Miami. It looks like David’s little eliminate Malcolm Black plan worked.

Just kidding!

In the very next scene, we see an FBI agent questioning the chief about his missing agent Kate. The police chief realizes the G-man has no government plates and looks even shadier than him. Turns out, it’s not an agent, it’s Malcolm Black! He stabs the creepy chief, and we have a new villain for the last half of this season’s Revenge.

Who else is excited for some new bad blood to enter our band of misfit Hamptonians? And Malcolm Black has an accent! Nothing says “bad to the bone” like an accent (think The Following and The Blacklist, people). We love hating Victoria, but she’s not going to be on point for a while. David Clarke is creepy and smarmy but is he spine chilling? No. So Revenge is adding what it desperately needs – a foe we can all get behind destroying. Who’s with me on checking out what Mr. Black has in store for our little girl lost? And how Emily will get her always intriguing, never boring, revenge?

Revenge airs Sundays on ABC at 10 p.m.