TV REVIEW: Pretty Little Liars “March of Crimes”

By Nicole Bozzani

Nothing in Rosewood is as it seems. Pretty Little Liars “March of Crimes” saw plenty of new twists and turns for the Liars, many of which won’t have answers any time soon.

For the past few episodes Hanna has been struggling. There’s a new Hanna. She has a new hairdo and she has an affinity for alcoholic beverages. For a while it seemed as though the friends she thought she could count on would let her spiral downward. In a surprising display of actual friendship, Spencer confronts Caleb about their current hydration habits. Is Spencer showing genuine care for Hanna and Caleb’s influence over her or is she merely trying to cover her own behind? Not only her own behind but Ali and everyone else’s? It’s true; Hannah is a loose cannon. She could, in fact, say pretty much anything and reveal far too much. Considering the past history of the Liars’ friendship, it’s safe to bet it was the latter. Later on, Hanna’s history with Zack comes to a head. Caleb defends her honor and punches Zack in his smug, perverted little face all the while discovering the entire episode was the work of the illustrious A. Three cheers for Haleb! Aria remains skeptical of Zack and clearly with good reason. Rather than struggle with her mind, she simply asks Ella. After Ella reveals the truth, Aria has no choice but to make up with Hanna. All is right in Hanna’s world now…or is it?

After suffering an eye injury at the stables last week with Emily, Spencer must take a visit to the eye doctor. Spencer may not be the best candidate for pupil dilation considering the whole A thing, but that’s exactly what happens. Once her pupils are dilated and she’s waiting on the doctor she discovers the creepy Shining twins just walked into the office. Who are these evil twins: Jenna and Sydney. Immediately she very realistically attempts to use her phone to call Emily. Not only are the demented Bobbsey Twins at the same eye doctor, but that shady A strikes again with the eye chart. How resourceful! But that’s simply not the end of Spencer’s drama.

Recall how Ali had Noel Kahn break into Hanna’s house in order to keep her alive. Now Noel is seeking his revenge. Emily finds him listening to recorded audio of Ali in his car and decides to (after accepting the assistant coach position) break into his locker and subsequently his car. She makes a startling discovery: photos of Ali during the time she was allegedly dead. What on Earth could he be doing with these photos? Fortunately for Spencer, she receives her answer from Noel himself after he hides in her lake house and scares the daylights out of everyone. So what is with the photos and audio? Blackmail. How absolutely shocking for this tiny town of secrets. To be fair, Noel is absolutely right about Ali being untrustworthy and dumping people as soon as she’s done with him. Thank goodness finally someone sees her for who she truly is. Sure, Mona has been on the war path for awhile but strictly to make Alison pay. Noel seems to be in it to protect himself more so than knock her down a few pegs. Someone has to be looking out for number one especially when it comes to deceitful little liars.

As for Ali, she’s extremely paranoid and acting far too suspicious. Every time someone opens their mouth to speak to her, she has a follow up of 13 zany questions that usually lead down the road to her cover up story. March of Crimes proved one thing: Ali cares about herself more than anything. She proves this more than ever when asking an upset Hanna if the reason she is fighting with Aria is because of her. Girl, seriously? The world doesn’t revolve around Ali! And what’s worse is it’s still really hard to understand why these four girls have decided to cover for her time and time again. Do they just not understand real friendship? They claim to have caught the man who broke in to the Marin’s and who “kidnapped” Ali, but by the look on her face, they may have an even shadier past than ever imagined. Who is this guy? Meanwhile, Emily has been quite opening to helping the new girl in school Sydney. She wants her to acclimate well. Have a faster swim time. Just be an all around great swimmer. That’s no fault of Emily. She’s just a really nice person. Well, that is until she finds out Sydney is friends with Jenna. Sydney reveals so, so much about her friendship with Jenna. Well, everything except why they are basically wearing matching outfits. Emily gives her hell and rightfully so. It was great to see Emily finally lay the smack down on these horrible people.

So what do viewers know now? The police are still highly suspicious of Ezra and his relationships with students. Noel Kahn thinks the Cavanaugh’s house explosion was no accident. Ella and Zack won’t be heading to the alter any time soon. And A is just getting started. At least viewers got a break from Mona for awhile, but she should be back with vengeance sometime soon. What could all of this possibly mean except one explosive finale in a few weeks time?