TV REVIEW: The Originals “Alive and Kicking” Sees Davina the Teenage Witch Fight Off a Pack of Wolves

This week The Originals resurrected two of my all time favorite things: wigs and Nathaniel Buzolic as Kol Mikaelson. The End. Review over. That’s all you needed to know. Ok ok, fine. More shenanigans did transpire. Let’s just say that this family is crazier than my family on Rosh Hashanah fighting over the Manischewitz.

Back in wig times, the Mikaelson clan had once again ran off from patriarch Mikael’s Klaus hunt. Unfortunately, Kol was no help to keeping their whereabouts unknown as he was too busy slaughtering a building full of humans for fun. Both Klaus and Elijah were fed up with his rebellious ways and daggered him to keep him from causing any more trouble.

In the less wig-filled present, Hayley was straight up nom’ing on the witches of New Orleans whether they had helped in the slaughter of her baby or not; the newly turned hybrid was out for vengeance, looking for any person who so much as muttered the words “abra kadabra manufnfn andrewgarfield newgerbils” (that’s a spell, right? I may have just turned someone into a lizard. Sorry about that!). Klaus was having a grand ole time running amuck with Hayley as he hadn’t had such a fun murder partner since he and Kol slaughtered people for fun hundreds of years ago.

Speaking of which, Klaus may have undaggered Kol (and restyled his hair), but only to get back at Elijah for spending so much time with his ward, baby Marcel. Elijah had been homeschooling the young lad and forming a true bond, but Klaus was definitely not having it. Marcel was his son, not anyone else’s, and his jealousy over his brother’s admiration for the kid was turning him into a reckless monster.

Kol, though, was the real monster of the family as he had compelled himself a production of Hamlet where all the human actors actually murdered each other. To make matters worse, he had forced young Marcel into watching as he fed him his blood. Fed up once again with his brother’s actions and inability to accept Marcel as family, Kol was assigned to coffin duty for the second time. Additionally, Elijah began acting like a total jerk to child Marcel as he thought pushing him away and into the arms of Klaus would once again redeem his brother.

Pictured (L-R): Chase Coleman as Oliver (back to camera) and Phoebe Tonkin as Hayley — Photo: Curtis Baker/The CW

As Elijah remembered the better days of wigs and waistcoats, he sought out Marcel in an attempt to gain his help in finding the white oak stake. His suspicions that Davina was hoarding the object were only made clearer when she referred to Klaus and Elijah as “brutal, sadistic monsters,” all of which Elijah heard. How rude.

As Elijah made it his mission to find the stake, Klaus was busy going on day trips to the Bayou with Hayley to convince the wolves to side with them and not Cassie/Esther in exchange for moonlight rings. Little did Klaus know that the meeting between him and Cassie would only lead to the realization that a 16 year-old girl would not suggest that Klaus “go to his room.” Only moms do that, duh.

Davina’s dinner date with KalebKol didn’t turn out as planned even after he revealed his own witch powers; a pack of wolves had been waiting for the two. Realizing she couldn’t fight them alone, she used the power of her oversized bracelet to call on Mikael to destroy the enemies. KalebKol kept his cover but looked on in shock as he watched his father, in the flesh, murder a ton of folk.   In a perfect twist of events, Elijah just happened to show up right as Davina’s bracelet flew off her wrist. Mikael stormed at his son with the white oak stake, only to be saved in time by the rescue of her bracelet. She condemned Mikael back to his smelly attic and saved the day.

Upon KalebKol’s return to his mother and mama’s boy Finn, Esther demanded the answers to how Davina the Teenage Witch fought off an entire hoard of wolves. Very much knowing the answers and growing tired of his new teenage hunk body, he refused to give away his father.

Things we need to discuss:

• Were we deprived of a scene where Klaus undaggers Kol and gives him a new haircut while they gossip about all the years he’s missed? Someone please write me a fanfiction of this.
• Elijah is the brutal, sadistic monster of my dreams. That may have come out wrong…
• Does Davina allow Mikael to shower or does that attic now smell sour?
• Davina should probably get her bracelet resized.
• It was always my belief that Mikael truly loved his biological children and wanted nothing more than to have relationships with him (remember the TVD scene where he looked heartbroken that Rebekah wouldn’t talk to him?), but their continued allegiance towards Klaus hindered it all. I’m surprised he would have even tried to drive the stake through Elijah for this reason.
• Esther would have never told Klaus to go to him room. I’m pretty sure when he was a child they lived in a one-room dirt hut and slept on the floor.