TV REVIEW: New Girl’s Season Finale “Cruise” Steers the Audience to Calm Waters

By Nicole Bozzani

When a couple enters a relationship there’s one unspoken rule: At some point they must book a cruise. But what happens when said couple breaks up just before they set sail? Nick and Jess found out in last night’s New Girl season finale.

The episode opens with the reveal that Nick and Jess have booked a romantic lovers package on a cruise. Sadly for the two of them, the trip is nonrefundable. However, they were able to downgrade and add on four more spots for the rest of the crew. Once they set sail they are each given their own set of issues to handle. Nick and Jess are navigating the waters of a couples schedule of cruise activities, Schmidt is determined to try and win Cece back, Coach has to deal with his fear of boats, and Winston, well, Winston is Winston. Can the crew make it five whole days at sea or will things sink faster than the Titanic?

As far as season finales go, New Girl’s third turn wasn’t extraordinary. There was no cliffhanger. There was no absolute resolution. But it certainly did end in its own quirky and relatable way. Of course, sticking five absolutely crazy people on a boat could have gone far worse than it actually did. Finding out Coach is afraid of boats was quite strange, but where else could he have possibly ended up in the story? All season long Coach has kind of felt like an out of place throw in at times. It should be interesting to see where this character will go now that Damon Wayans Jr. has been upgraded to a season regular for season 4. What sort of antics will he get into? Will we learn more about him? Will he be a side note forever? Only time will tell!

Schmidt once again reminds viewers he just not quite over Cece by buying her a class ring now that she magically obtained her GED. Ya remember that was a thing that happened a few episodes ago never to be talked about again? Well she passed and, since Schmidt was her tutor, he bought her a male class ring. Well, what looked like a male class ring until Winston accidentally tickled Schmidt and it flew overboard. Why does Schmidt continuously attempt to win the affections of Cece? Sure, they are probably meant to be, but time and time again Schmidt proves to be the most ridiculous man to (possibly) walk the planet. Over twenty something episodes, he has shown that he has barely grown or learned anything from this experience and just expects Cece to love him back. Where Schmidt may have grown is by his understanding that while Cece’s new man, Buster, is younger, he’s what she wants right now. Hopefully season 4 will either explore some new developments for the two of them or let it rest. If the final scene of Cruise includes any foreshadowing at all, this won’t be the last viewers see of Cece and Schmidt.

That brings us to Nick and Jess. What could possibly happen between these two? Nick decides the two must do all of the cruise activities. Even though they are essentially for couples because they cost 600 dollars. Any normal person would agree such splendid activities shouldn’t go to waste, but with an ex? That’s just crazy talk. What was most surprising was the parallels to the couples activities of last season and the couples seminar they attended. There, before they were a couple, they built a sturdy stool out of duct tape, and now, after being a couple, they couldn’t manage to construct swans out of towels. Although, one must question why that would ever be an official cruise activity to be completed by couples let alone just any random person taking a cruise. The simple fact remains: Nick and Jess have a thing. It will always be there and now it’s just weird. But where they are lacking in a romantic relationship they make up for in friendship. The gang from Apartment 4d is off their rockers, but that’s what makes viewers come back to them week after week – a bunch of weirdos who think the only logical way to get their friends to level back up from the awkwardness that is their love lives is a romantic intervention.

In the end, the gang gets stuck in their state room for days and have their picture taken for a local newspaper which they eventually frame and then hang. The season draws to a close without a real resolution for Nick and Jess and the others seem to just ride off into the sunset for now.

There was one clear resolution to be had: Nick and Schmidt are getting bunk beds! New Girl’s third season has had its ups and downs but managed to steer its way to calm waters. The finale provided nothing too scandalous, but nothing too boring either.

Viewers did learn a few things they can keep with them over the summer: Everyone knows the president and the Vice President are best friends, no one should ever make nautical puns, and Zooey Deschanel’s line of dresses for Tommy Hilfiger are absolute perfection.