TV REVIEW: New Girl’s “Dance” Tells us to Live While We’re young

By Nicole Bozzani

Ah, the middle school dance. A wondrous but awkward time in everyone’s life. What could make it more excruciating? Five really bad chaperones and one person dead set on sabotaging the entire thing.

New Girl’s “Dance” episode sees Jess deciding to put on a middle school dance. Sure, the school doesn’t quite have the budget for it and the other teachers have zero interest in chaperoning it, but Jess is determined to make it work. When all of the chaperones quit, Jess recruits the only people she can think of: the Dummy Patrol. Unfortunately for Jess, the crew are the worst chaperones in the world and one of her students is determined to stop the dance from ever happening. Jess eventually finds out who the saboteur is and together they get things back on track.

Let’s begin with the most obvious problems for Jess this week: Asking the boys to handle anything. Nick drinks a ton of soda, sets off fireworks, and then races around in a questionably placed shopping cart, and the entire time it’s hard not to ask why this was happening. Schmidt gets into a fight and has a footrace with a small child. And Winston is being followed around by a flock of girls that multiplies about as fast as bunnies. All of these things make no sense and no sane adult would do any of them. That said, they were quite funny to watch play out. If only as a viewer the logical thought could be misplaced for 22 minutes.

One surprising turn of events, or a display of character really, was Coach. He wanted nothing more than to be there for Jess and make her dance as successful as can be, which is a bit of a change from the Coach viewers normally get to see. While he still took control and gave orders like any coach would, he was able to break up the adult/child chaos in a matter of seconds. Of course, someone had to be an adult. The dance itself was quintessentially New Girl. Nothing could go right or no zany antics would be had. Winston trying to conceal his urge to dance to Call Me Maybe, the worst rap battle the world has ever seen, and a small pre-teen girl who has a blind hatred for dances. It all feels a bit random and tossed together in one pot at times, but it is what it is.

There was one stand out highlight that can’t possibly go without being mentioned: One Direction. While it was strictly background music at the school dance, it was the highlight of the episode. At the risk of sounding like a fangirl (which may be entirely accurate and almost embarrassing), it was perfect. It being ‘Live While We’re Young’, ironically enough, played into the theme of the adults acting like children. Well, it would have been perfect had Coach not been giving a motivational speech and orders to the Dummy Patrol over it. It literally made up for every shortcoming of this entire season. Yes, just one tiny song made up for every disappointing moment.

The school dance came and went, and didn’t end up being as big of a disappointment as one would think. Everyone got their dance on with a partner of their choice. Yes, even Nick and Jess had their moment to shine on the dance floor. But what could this possibly mean for the twosome? Are they definitely over? Will Winston have to serve as a sexual tension buffer for the rest of his life? Son of a penis, let’s hope not. Rooting for Nick and Jess is still a thing, right? It’s hard to say where things will head going into the season finale next week, but if there’s any time to approach the troubled waters of their relationship, it’s definitely on a yacht.