TV REVIEW: Just Another Day of Drinking, Drugs, Hookers & Charity Work in Graceland’s “Magic Number”

The latest installment of USA Network’s Graceland drove home the point that we really need to suspend disbelief with our merry band of FBI and DEA agents. Their actions were so over the top in this one it made killing and disposing of Juan Badillo look like standard operating procedure.

Charlie and Briggs went to extreme measures to help Juan’s widow, Johnny hit the club giving drugs to some girls to impress his boss, Jakes took to the bottle and a hooker to mask his pain, Paige continued her search for Tinker Bell and Mike was a little MIA. Let’s take a look.

Graceland opens with Jakes doing a little car repair on the family vehicle. Mike continues on his Mr. Congeniality path quizzing Jakes on his cover story for his next undercover assignment — mechanic at the bus depot. Remember, this is the sexy bus carrying drugs sting operation Mike’s been working on for quite some time.

Paige is still on the case of the missing Tinker Bell, Lena. The blonde beauty doesn’t think she was just a drug mule. She suspects a sex trade operation. Mike says let’s tie it to the bad guy if the season, Carlito Solano. Sidebar — he also wants to demo a bus to see how they’re transporting the drugs. Boys just love to tear stuff apart, don’t they?

Throughout “Magic Number” Paige works to connect Carlito to the crime. She busts the owner of a brothel, garnering a little intel. Her promise to find Lena after she sent the girl packing on a drug bus is proving a tough task. She doesn’t get anything solid in tonight’s offering but next week’s preview hints that the sex trafficking story line will heat up.

Pictured: (l-r) Aaron Tveit as Mike Warren, Brandon Jay McLaren as DJ Jakes — (Photo by: Jeff Daly/USA Network)

Jakes’ downward spiral continues when gets bad news from his lawyer. He may never see his son because of his “behavior.” Dale hits the bottle again in a move that is sure to exacerbate his problems. Sad Jakes is such a bummer this season. I want grumpy, OJ labeling Jakes back, ASAP!

Briggs continues his charity social work … he’s at an AA meeting with Juan’s widow, Kelly. She tells Briggs that her husband hasn’t been declared dead so the FBI won’t pay his death benefit. She confides that she wonders if he ran off with some woman because all that was found was his key on a psycho’s keychain. Flash to Briggs dreaming of disposing of Juan’s body. He sees his face in the sand, not Juan’s. Side note, Charlie and Briggs are back in bed. He tells her Juan’s widow hasn’t received the benefits yet because no body. Charlie says, “Let’s get her what she’s owed.” Uh oh.

Jakes is puking out a lung after his night of drinking. Briggs offers to hold back a dread. “Life sucks,” DJ says. That should have been the title of this episode because everyone personifies the downer theme in one way or another.

There isn’t much of Mike in this one. He shows up to take charge and show he’s lost any sense of humor in his new role as boss of the world. Serious Mike is not much fun. There isn’t even sexy time with Paige.

He’s furious to see Jakes vomiting right before the undercover operation. “Personal problems are no excuse,” he says coldly. Mike, take a chill pill. DJ just lost his kid.

Mike has more problems (remember the life sucks theme?) when FBI boss is ready to pull the plug on the bus investigation. DC girlfriend says “put Mike under me and I’ll run the op.” Interesting choice of words. I feel a blondie cat fight coming on.

Jakes makes it to his interview at the bus depot. The boss can smell the alcohol seeping from his pores and tells him about his own past addiction. He tells Jakes he can’t hire him. Briggs saves the day by telling Jakes to pretend to be in AA. Dale goes back in asking for a second chance and he gets the job.

Charlie is on a mission to help sad widow. In a huge stroke of luck (even for Graceland), she’s inking up a guy at a tattoo parlor who says he’s trying to get rid of some heroin. She decides she’ll sell his drugs for 2.3 million and give her informant ten percent. Briggs guesses that the informant will be Kelly Padillo. This all sounds terribly illegal even for this ethically compromised group.  Oh well, they go with it.

Pictured: (l-r) Daniel Sunjata as Briggs and Brandon Jay McLaren as Jakes. Photo by: Jeff Daly/USA Network.

Johnny is on the fast track to being a key player in the house by being a key player in the Solano organization. He continues “befriending” the bad guy, doing some questionable things in this one. JT parties at the club serving as wingman for his boss. Slimy Solano sends Johnny on a girl quest. JT fails to pick up the girls with a lame Maserati line. He offers them some pills Carlito gave him earlier and they’re suddenly all in. Didn’t your mamas teach you anything, ladies? Cars yes. Drugs no. Johnny was on some pretty shaky ground here.  Isn’t it in Law Enforcement for Beginners that you don’t hand out drugs to pretty girls?

Questionable behavior continues when Johnny makes out with one of the girls. Solano’s making out with the other one in the same room! Things get sleazier when Carlito demands both girls. He commands Johnny to watch and enjoy, licking his lips seductively. Ew! Is any case worth all this, JT?

Briggs tells Charlie he’s in on the scheme to get Kelly her money. He says, “There’s no Bonnie without Clyde.” She answers with, “I’m Clyde.” Is there anyone who doesn’t think this couple is doomed? The lies, the secrets, but they are so perfect together.

They go to the drug buy later strutting to the scene like they mean business. Charlie’s wearing her Axl Rose bandana showing she’s undercover and Briggs is carrying a briefcase full of money. They hit a snafu when there are extra drugs at the scene. Oh no! This will mean a too large check for Kelly. Briggs dumps some of the drugs while Charlie distracts their dealer with a money counting mission. Far fetched, anyone?

It all comes together and they get the check. Charlie makes it look like it’s the death benefit and they ship it off to Juan’s wife.  Mission accomplished.

Jakes discovers that bus 118 is the drug bus. The big sting goes down and, surprise, there are no drugs on the bus. Mike and Jakes take swings at the bus anyway, disappointed they don’t get to really tear it apart.

Jakes is still down in the dumps with no one to cheer him up. Johnny’s busy cleaning toilets in the house while Briggs and Charlie are having some alone time.  He drives around looking for what? A lady of the night asks if he’s looking for a good time. She walks away when he doesn’t respond, but he calls her back. I’m wondering which is worse — the alcohol or the hooker? Jakes’ downward spiral doesn’t look to be letting up anytime soon.

Pictured: (l-r) Brandon Jay McLaren as DJ Jakes, John Kapelos as Lawrence — (Photo by: Jeff Daly/USA Network)

Paul checks in with Kelly and she happens to be going through her mail. The check is in there! She’s excited at first. It’s $30,000 more than she expected. Her joy quickly turns to tears when she realizes this signifies her husband is dead. “It’s official now. He’s gone.” She breaks down crying on Briggs’ shoulder.

Briggs lies to Charlie telling her that Kelly “was over the moon. You did it. You fixed it. Just like you said you would.” They hug it out, so all is right with Graceland, right?

The final scene shows Jakes going to his bus job early after his night of hooker love. The boss says, “Take all these barrels of waste and load them into that rig.” He opens one.  He hits pay dirt – or pay drugs!

Much happened in “Magic Number” but it held little magic for the viewer. It asked us to accept some behaviors that went beyond the realm of possibility even in Fantasyland. The problems this season run deeper… There is no real mystery, no awesome villain (bring back Bello) and no real tension. Last season’s Briggs-is-Odin story line was a jaw dropper. The keys of Jangles made us quiver. Bello and Mike were a conflicted twisty bromance. This season we’ve got buses. And drugs. And drinking. And sadness. Graceland, get your groove back and return to the magic of season one. Please.  What do you think of season two?

Graceland airs on Wednesdays on USA network at 10 pm