TV REVIEW: Grey’s Anatomy “Everything I Try to Do, Nothing Seems to Turn out Right”

As “Everything I Try”  begins, Meredith’s narration takes us back to middle school science and tells us, “Every action has an opposite and equal reaction.”  No kidding, this is Grey’s. Tonight is no exception; it was all about moving plot points forward with a clear focus on next week’s Cristina Yang (Sandra Oh) exit.  Her action of leaving Shondaland forces all of us to have the distinct reaction of “hell no!”

This installment opens innocuously enough. Meredith (Ellen Pompeo) is enjoying waffles made by built in maid/babysitter sister-in-law Amelia (Caterina Scorsone).  Mer’s on the phone with big shot Derek (Patrick Dempsey), and both agree it’s time to ship sissy back home.  Good luck with that one.

Throughout the episode, the interns do everything they can to stay off the chopping block.  Jo (Camilla Luddington) develops stress hives, Leah (Tessa Ferrer)  is eating non-stop, and Shane (Gaius Charles) is acting like the picture of calm sanity.  Webber breaks the news to Leah near the end of the show that she’s the one who’s been chopped.  He’s so smooth we believe him when he says, “Letting you go isn’t a punishment, it’s a kindness.  You deserve to figure out what your next steps will be.”  Good luck Murphy.  We’ll miss you.  Not Yang miss you, but miss you nonetheless.

(ABC/Kelsey McNeal)
JERRIKA HINTON, MARK ADAIR-RIOS, KEVIN MCKIDD

The first big drama of the night involves Miranda Bailey (Chandra Wilson) and her super secret stem cell transplant on bubble boy Braden.  The boy’s T-cell count is great, and it looks like the bubble will be burst, allowing him to lead a normal life.

Bailey needs to come clean and finally admits that she did her experimental procedure on him without parental consent.  She tells the board by mentioning it to Yang whose reaction is priceless. “Whoa. Did it work?”  Bailey responds with, “Damn right it did.”  An up top, high five is in order.  All that celebration may be little premature.  The parents are less than impressed and want some Bailey blood for the deception.  Much of “Everything I Try to Do” is spent with Miranda trying to explain herself to an exasperated Owen (Kevin McKidd) and Jackson (Jesse Williams).

It looks like Bailey’s career is kaput until Stephanie (Jerrika Hinton) goes in for the biggest save of the night.  She tells unappreciative bubble parents that she “forgot” to tell Miranda about their request for no further treatment.  Dad’s not biting, but mom says “let’s just take our baby home.”

Bailey got off tonight, but her whole debacle begs the question do the ends justify the means?  It’s obvious she says “hell yes” when she tells cute hubby Ben that “I created something out of thin air.  I saved his life.”  Wonder how long before Shonda brings this doc back down to Earth from her God complex?  Soon, I’m sure.

Jackson has his hands full in this outing.  He’s handling the Bailey incident all the while dealing with Mrs. Perky Jackson, his pregnant wife.  April’s perkiness has worn down Avery and spread on him like some virus.  They are all giggly after her OB appointment talking about their “cute little fetus.” The pair realize they need to start telling people starting with Mama Avery. That should go well.

The baby drama continues with Calzona’s quest to become two time parents.  Callie (Sara Ramirez), April (Sarah Drew), and Jo all work on an accident victim with April noticing that Callie’s not in the best mood and starts calling her a “grumpus.”  Hmmm, baby drama ahead.  Jo channels her super perky gene in an effort to show she’s invaluable and can’t be fired.  Callie can only take so much of unicorn land and threatens Kepner with a large drill.  Do it, do it, do it.

(ABC/Kelsey McNeal)
JESSE WILLIAMS

Later, we discover that Callie had her own disappointing appointment with the OB/GYN.  In a heartbreaking scene, she tells Arizona that her car accident left her unable to carry a child.  Arizona volunteers but Callie says they’re just getting back, they won’t survive that kind of disappointment if something goes wrong.  Baby plans are sidelined and the pair decide to be happy with their perfect jobs and perfect daughter.  Calzona is going to make it.  Maybe.  At least for another week.

Karev (Justin Chambers) shows up looking fresh faced and handsome in his suit, the new job going well.  He tells Shane he’s checking on a former patient, but in the matter of a few minutes we realize checking is a synonym for stealing.  The intern knows what’s going on and wants to tell Arizona (Jessica Capshaw), but Alex says to keep his mouth shut or “I’ll tell her you didn’t check placement of some kid’s feeding tube and he nearly died.”

Shane is in disbelief, saying, “That’s not true.”

Karev counters with, “I’ve worked with her for years.  You went nuts and killed my dad.  Who’s she gonna believe.”  So cut-throat, we barely recognize you, Alex.

Later, Karev apologizes to Robbins saying he’s having a hard time getting cases at his new gig.  Arizona tells him he’s supposed to call and say, “I’m in trouble and I need help.  That’s what you do.  Then I help you.”  She flicks the back of his head, and somehow we know he’ll be back …poor, grungy, and a total grumpus.

In the funniest scenes of the night, a young woman comes in for a permanent rectal pacemaker (that can’t be a real thing, right?). Gas girl can’t stop tooting, apparently.  Webber (James Pickens) takes one look at her log and says she’s pooping too much for the pacemaker.  The symphony of gastrointestinal sounds will have to continue.  Leah can hardly control herself, laughter threatening to erupt.  Once she calms down a little, she’s on the case  and finds a possible surgical solution – a “bionic butthole.”  The husband is more thrilled than his wife, saying he can no longer take the “smells.”

Back to the story we care the most about, the Yang farewell tour.  Cristina has been tasked with finding her own replacement.  Owen has the best and truest line of the night saying, “Go easy on these guys, they can’t all be you.”  As she interviews candidate after candidate, we know this is the reality.  Yang is leaving and there is no one who can possibly come close.

Who knows this better than anyone? Owen.  He starts to offer Cristina the big cardio job.  He says, “Nothing good can come from asking you to stay.  So I won’t.”  “Thank you,” she heartbreakingly replies.  Then he grabs her and kisses her, saying “Just don’t go.”

Okay, maybe just one Kleenex tonight.  And have I mentioned these 80’s remixes this season?  Who knew that Wang Chung’s “Dance Hall Days” could be so hauntingly perfect as the backdrop to Cristina’s goodbye.

Final scene shows Derek coming home with champagne also channeling April’s perkiness. Damn, that girl is like a rash.  He MET the president, has been offered his dream job in Washington DC, and he’s calling the moving trucks ASAP.  Meredith’s face says otherwise.

Next week’s promo says we are all going to be looking like Meredith.  It’s Cristina Yang’s final episode (did I just type that?), and you know we will be left heartbroken.  There’s some accident, Meredith is crying, Owen is rushing down the halls … Oh what have you done Shonda? I will definitely see you back here to discuss the whole left in our hearts and how we want a one way ticket out of Shondaland.

Funniest lines of the night:

Meredith tries to bond with Amelia who isn’t having it and says, “I liked you much better when you were the sister in law that didn’t give a crap.”

Shane says he “popped a baby” when the interns are talking about possibly being fired.

Callie tells perky Jo, “There is no place in ortho for sissy girls.  Check yourself before you wreck yourself.”

Gas girl tells Leah about losing her job as a dancer when she had a “blast off” during a pirouette.  “It was spin art.”  Ugh, thanks for the visual Grey’s.