LUCIFER Spring Premiere Review

By Chris B

When last we visited Los Angeles, Lucifer had ghosted, vanished like the mist of a Pacific wave.

Where’s he been?  Vegas.  Could he be less of a cliche?

And while Lucifer frolics in the desert, Chloe flounders from the loss of her partner, though she woodenly swears she’s “over it.”  She reels even more when Lucifer shows up beaming, tailed by a bleached-up, tarted-out exotic dancer named Candy—Candy Morningstar, his wife.

The death of Ash Corrigan, the front man for the band Heavy Woolies, provides a necessary interruption from the personal drama.  His dismayed bandmates claim the deceased has been in a funk since his messy divorce from Courtney, his supposedly abusive ex-wife.  According to Courtney, though, her only crime is becoming attached to a man with a dubious work ethic that she ended up supporting and to whom she was taken to the cleaners in the divorce settlement.

The seedy divorce mediator becomes the new favored suspect when the marvelous Candy notices him in the picture of Ash’s murder scene.  To further the case, Chloe bites back her distaste to go undercover with Lucifer, posing as a married couple in need of the man’s mediation.  She dresses up as his “idiotic bedazzled tweener” and is able to get Anthony to admit that he’d swayed the divorce in Ash’s favor, all for free—and his dreams of managing the band one day.

The mediator reveals that Ash and Marla, the bassist, had been feuding.  When interrogated, she swears she knows nothing of Ash’s plans to dump her from the band and that she had spent the night of Ash’s death hanging around with a kid for whom she’d made a fake I.D.  This kid’s online video posts reveal that Doug, the drummer, had loaded the gear and last handled the bass that had ended up dripping with Ash’s blood.

When Chloe and Lucifer enter Doug’s apartment, Lucifer is throttled, which results in an awkward, touchy-feely showdown in which Lucifer offers to die and Chloe has to say that he is not worthless.  How sweet.  That, coupled with Candy’s gushing about how much working with the detective means to her hubby, encourages Chloe to ask Lucifer back to work.

Of Gods and Men

When Lucifer, sworn to be pawn-no-more, goes on walkabout, Mommy Morningstar attempts to rob the cradle for debauchery’s sake, but her droning on about her family problems puts a damper on the fun.  Maze is all too eager to swoop in and stoke Charlotte’s misery, assuring her that Lucifer is likely planning his revenge as they speak.

When Mommy hears that her darling son has wed, she is more certain than ever that he’s concocted some kind of devious plan.  When she meets Candy, then, she’s less than thrilled at his new “top-heavy friend.”  She takes her shopping to pry her for information; for her efforts, she is regaled with the grand scheme of the “pretty mouth-breather,” which is to open a juice bar.  Hooray, Mom!

In the end, Charlotte can only conclude that Lucifer has done what he’s done due to a broken heart.  Charlotte has lied, manipulated, and pushed too hard, making her “a terrible mother.”  Thus, she illustrates the Morningstar family gift for being at once awful and self-pitying.  Hooray, Mom!

When mother and son finally have a conversation, Lucifer makes it clear that he does not forgive her, but he offers her thanks for her sacrifice of returning to Hell to save him.  She counters by trying to convince her son to give heavenly rebellion a go again, swearing that he’ll be successful as he already possesses the ultimate weapon, the Flaming Sword that can cut through the gates of Heaven, also known as Azrael’s blade.

They have what the need to return to the Silver City triumphantly, for good.

Desperate Times, Marry Measures

When he flounces back into the police station, Chloe flatly assures Lucifer that he’s not working on this case with her, or any other:  “What good is a partner if I can’t depend on you?  I don’t need you anymore.”  Though visually dismayed, he leaves quietly.

Lucifer makes another visit to Dr. Linda, who tries unsuccessfully to get him to admit to any “rash decisions” during his two weeks away, all while Candy bubbles inanely next to him.  His eyes harden as he explains that he’s done nothing wrong, given that everything he’d felt for Decker had been “smoke and mirrors, courtesy of dear old Dad…he clearly expected me to zig, so I zagged.”  Lucifer swears that he’s returned to Chloe solely for the work because they’re effective at crime fighting; obviously, “you wouldn’t break up Batman and Robin.”  Or would you, if Robin came home with an inflatable doll in platform heels?  I guess we’ll never know.

Maze, though thoroughly fascinated by Candy’s other-worldly dimensions (all courtesy of silicone and scalpels), takes stock of her roommate’s emotional fall-out.  She cajoles Decker into admitting that she’s upset that Lucifer’s shown up hitched to someone who’s “bra size equals her I.Q.”  Maze assures her that she’s seen Lucifer do crazy, impulsive things, “but he always comes back around.”  Chloe stonewalls her, swearing she’s not interested.

During their feigned marriage mediation, Lucifer reveals to Chloe that he’s “been through hell recently, both figuratively and literally,” implying that Chloe’s near death took a far greater toll on him than either of them would have realized.  When she tells him to go, that she doesn’t need him like his wife does, he looks particularly forlorn.

Then, Lucifer gets a chance to reach her by dedicating to her a few refrains from “Eternal Flame,” and when he both beguiles her and traps Marla in the crowd, he succeeds in getting a near smile from the detective.  After this, he finally spills to Amenadiel, who confronts his brother for turning his back on Chloe.  Lucifer actually seeks to protect her from feelings that she doesn’t even realize that she cannot control; he doesn’t want Chloe to be manipulated as he has been, so he has forcibly returned control to the detective “by holding up a shield made of Candy.”

Speaking of smoke and mirrors, that’s all Lucifer’s marriage turns out to be.  Lucifer has saved the woman from a mafia-fueled torture, and she has helped him suss out the inner workings of his Mommy’s mind.  Their scale is balanced, and she rides off, leaving Lucifer to dwell on his feelings for Decker.  Candy’s advice:  “I wouldn’t screw that one up.”

Well-said, Mrs. Morningstar.  Our thoughts exactly.