I Am Not Okay With This Season 1 Episode 1 Recap – Dear Diary…

Sydney walks in the middle of the street in a white dress drenched with what seems to be blood, wearing military dog tags on her neck.

Ms. Cappriotti, the guidance counselor in their school, gives Sydney a diary and instructs her to write so she can control her moods better because she keeps losing her temper. Ms. Cappriotti tells her that keeping a diary is therapeutic and might help her to cope with her father’s death last spring.

Sydney writes that her best friend is Dina, and she is such a badass. She says she would never think Dina would ever want to be her friend if not for the fact that they moved to Pennsylvania around the same time. She says that Dina was with her when she found out about her dad and that they cried together, but after that, all Dina did was make her smile.

They go into Fiddles Diner, the place where Maggie, Sydney’s mom, works. While eating, Dina tells Syd how Brad Lewis, the hottest guy in their school, asked her to homecoming and how she gave him her V-card. Syd doesn’t particularly like the thought of Dina and Brad together, but she does not say a word. Brad asks Syd to get them free burgers, but she says her mom is not working that day. Brad continues talking, and since he annoys Syd so much, Syd stares at him and wishes he would stop talking. Right at that moment, Brad’s nose bleeds.

While walking home, Syd contemplates the thought that she made Brad’s nose bleed with her mind. She also tries to convince herself to be happy with Dina’s new relationship, given that she does not want to lose her first best friend. Her thoughts get interrupted when Stanley Barber, the guy who lives down the street, calls her name. He asks to walk with her and tells her he has Bloodwitch on vinyl. He invites her to come over to his house and listen for some time.

Syd arrives home where she lives with Maggie and her younger brother, Liam. Maggie asks her to ensure that Liam does his homework and eats his dinner because she is doing a double shift in the diner. Syd sarcastically asks her mom if Liam isn’t old enough to make sure himself. Maggie asks her to do it without question, even just once. She writes that her mother and her don’t see eye to eye so much that they can sit in silence, and they would still manage to annoy each other.

She then talks to Liam and asks about his homework. He says he’s done with it and tells Syd that Richard Rynard punched Toby Gardner in the face; he’s afraid he will be next. So he is designing a suit of armor he will use just in case. He shows a drawing to Syd, and she says it’s one of his best works yet.

They go to a convenience store together to get some hotdogs and chips. Syd assures Liam that if Richard ever touches him, she will slit his throat.

Syd writes to her diary that she has zits in her thigh. She picks them up in the bathroom and gets annoyed at the sound of a leaky faucet. She exasperatingly says stop, and to her surprise, the water from the faucet actually stops leaking.

Stan texts Syd and asks her to listen to Bloodwitch. She obliges and finds herself dancing in bed.

She writes that she thinks of touching herself at night, but she does not do it. Instead, she eats peanut butter.

Her mom arrives from work and sits beside her on the couch. She writes they have never talked about her dad ever since he killed himself in the basement.

She tells her mom she got called into the counselor’s office. She says the counselor thinks she needs some outlet because she feels the people she loves don’t love her back. “Well, maybe you’re aiming too high, hon,” Maggie says.

Syd gets upset by what her mother says, so she goes into her room. She writes that her mother can be a bitch sometimes and that her father would have understood her. But since he is dead, she feels alone. She says she feels like she is boiling inside, then she hears a crash.

Our Thoughts

Maybe it’s too early to judge, but I feel Sydney is too full of herself. I think she thinks she’s cool, but she’s not. Well, again, it might be too early to say that. But what’s clear here is that the way she feels about her mother isn’t from nowhere because her mother can really be disheartening at times. Anyway, I feel like she has something going on for Dina, but I am not yet sure — she seems so taken by her. Well, if that’s the case, then I pity Stanley. It’s pretty obvious he has a thing for Syd, so let’s see where it all would lead.