Feel Good Season 1 Episode 5 Recap – Episode 5

George tells Mae who Arnie Rivers is – a comedian and an actor that she was pretty into until her adolescent years. She says he’s an icon and that when she wanks, she still thinks about him. Mae tells George that he just doesn’t get why he’s going to do an act at the Gag Bin if he’s so famous. George explains that he had a full-on breakdown so he hasn’t worked in 10 years.

At the meeting, every recovering addict is required to bring family or friends, so Mae brings George and Maggie brings Lava. Their discussion veers into the support family and friends give to their addict. Lava tells the group that she’s in for the long haul to support her mother, then she asks George if she’s in for the long haul. She is not able to answer.

After the meeting, George rants about the questions hurled at her at the meeting. She says that Lava is so into Mae. Mae ignores her rants and hugs George to thank her for coming. She says ‘Love you’, but George does not answer back. Instead, she continues to rant. George says she needs to call Binky because she’s freaking out about her baby shower. Mae says she needs to go and meet Arnie Rivers.

Mae, Jack, and Pete wait for Arnie to arrive. While waiting, they browse through a magazine and see that Arnie is promoting a show. They deduce that Arnie is looking for someone to be his show opener. He immediately like Mae, and asks her to show him around. He does an act and Mae admires him.

Mae comes home to a sleeping George. She lies beside her and George embraces her. Mae asks George if she will go back to dating boys if they ever break up. George tells her that she’ll probably do because Mae is the only girl she likes. Mae takes one oxy.

The next morning, Mae offers to pay for their breakfast, but her card gets declined. George takes it instead.

That night, Mae stares at her naked body in the mirror. She tries on a dress and immediately removes it when George tries to come into the room. She tells George to wait before coming in and pretends to be working out. George tells Mae that Binky is furious that she is pregnant during her wedding. She says that Binky is living their dreams – having a family and a kid named after Westlife, so she’s practically glowing. Mae asks George to take her pants off as she puts on the strap-on. They do their thing and at the spur of the moment, George tells Mae that she wants her to come inside her. This turns Mae off and so she stops mid-sex. She tells George that she’s trying to be what she wants. George tells her that she just wants her to be herself, but Mae refuses to believe, saying that what they are isn’t what she dreamed of. George tells her that she has so many feelings, but it’s all in her head. Mae tells George she’ll order food and borrows her card.

The next morning, George asks Phil if he also noticed that Mae is on edge during the past few days. Phil says yes, and says that he thinks Mae’s freaking out. George then explains that she was just talking about Binky’s baby and then Mae got weird. Phil tells George that he wishes that Mae and she would have a baby right there in their flat. George says it might not be easy because girls don’t just have babies. Phil says she should start saving for IVF because it is expensive. However, he tells George that he is willing to give her his sperm so she wouldn’t have to pay for IVF. Phil brings out a pack of medicines from his pocket and tells George that if she wants to get pregnant, she shouldn’t be taking those. George says she has not seen that medicine before and that she is definitely not taking those. Phil says he got it from her coat pocket. George tells him that it’s Mae’s coat and not hers.

George panics and asks Phil what she should do. He told her to watch her show so that she can be supportive because Mae seems to be going through a hard time.

Mae arrives at the bar when Arnie, Kevin, and Pete are going through some core exercises. They ask her to join them, but she says that she might not have the strength for that because she is apparently a woman. They ask her to tell them what’s wrong, so Mae tells them that she is not currently positive about her gender at that moment. Arnie tells her that he’ll give her 200 pounds if she will write her experience to a set and do it that very night. Arnie tells her that when he started joking about real stuff like loneliness, isolation, and sobriety, everyone started noticing him and his career picked up.

After Arnie’s act, he introduces Mae to the crowd. He says that he has challenged Mae to be as honest as she can. George gets into the bar just in time, but she does not let Mae know that she is there.

Mae begins her act and Arnie gets it on record. Mae jokes about being exhausted and tired trying to be her straight girlfriend’s idea of a high school boyfriend. She says that dating her historically straight girlfriend is not helping her, especially when she tells her to come inside her when they both know she physically cannot. She tells them that she does not love her for who she is, but despite who she is. She says that she’s only been wearing black ever since they started dating – she does not wear colors anymore because she’s worried that her girlfriend is going to come out of the shower and be startled if she sees a bright color and realize that she’s dating a girl. She says that she thinks that no matter how A-plus her personality is, she is never going to be good for her because she does not have sperm. George goes home. The audience applauds.

Arnie gets impressed and asks Mae to open for his tour. Mae gets so flattered and thanks Arnie for the offer. She follows him to the restroom, where Arnie snorts coke. Arnie asks Mae if she’s a lesbian, but Mae tells him that she does not want to label herself but she did have a boyfriend. Arnie asks her to touch him, and Mae gets shocked by this. Arnie tells her not to be so shocked because they are going to be touring together anyway, and things get intimate in tours. Mae walks out and tells Nick that Arnie is bad. She tells him what happened. Arnie, on the other hand, asks Steve to open for him instead. Steve rejoices, but then Nick comes and tells Arnie to leave. This enrages Arnie, but he leaves anyway after Nick tells him to get out of his club.

Nick tells Mae that George was there and she was able to watch her act. Mae runs home and finds George sitting at the edge of their bed. She explains that what she said was just jokes. George shows her the pack of oxy, so Mae tells her that she found those at the hospital and that she’s taken a few to help her sleep. George asks her if she makes her happy. Mae tells her that she’s in love with her. George asks her again if being with her makes Mae feel good about herself, so Mae tells her no. But she tells George that it should not be a big deal because that’s not what being in love is. George tells her that hearing her say that she is not wearing colors anymore is the saddest thing she has ever heard in her entire life. She asks Mae what she’s meant to do, and if everything has to be her responsibility – her sobriety, her gender identity.

Mae then asks her if she will even be enough for the long haul because she feels like they always have a time limit. George tells her that they already live together, she has told her friends, and she has changed her entire life already. She says she grew up wanting marriage and kids, and Mae tells her that she wants those things too. George tells her that she does deserve those things. She says Mae deserves to be happy and confident so she’s breaking up with her. She says sorry. Mae cries and tells her that when George told her that she loves her, it was the best moment of her life. She says she’s so embarrassed because she let herself think that someone like George could be with someone like her when she’s not a boy and not even a girl – she’s a failed version of both. George says that if she makes Mae feel like that, it is not true. She says Mae is a thousand times better than her. Mae grabs her bags and goes. George is left alone sobbing.

Mae knocks at Lava’s door.

Our Thoughts

This is the saddest, but the most realistic episode so far, at least for me. The words said between George and Mae during their confrontation were harsh, but they were needed so they can both wake up. They might think they are happy, but they are not. They lie to each other often and they avoid difficult conversations by resorting to sex. That is just not healthy.

Mae was right when she said she does not think that being with George is helping her, so George is also right when she said that Mae deserves to be confident and since she is not contributing to that, she should let her go. It might be painful to admit but I believe that this is necessary for both of them because they are both not yet ready for a relationship.

I don’t want to think about what will happen between Mae and Lava, but I feel sad for Lava. She’s clearly into Mae and Mae goes to her right after she breaks up with George. I don’t know about you, but this screams rebound to me.